I'll always cherish...

...the original misconception I had of you.

If you ever become a mother...

...can I have one of the puppies?

Oh, is this where you tell me what to do and I get to pretend to listen?

...I LOVE this part.

Yo Mama So Ugly...

...when she walks by a bathroom the toilet flushes itself.

He's always lost in thought...

...it's unfamiliar territory.

She doesn't understand the meaning of the word 'no'...

...but then, she's never really understood big words.

I don't have time for your crisis...

...my schedule is already full.

I'm sorry, I'm busy now...

...may I ignore you some other time?

May he rest in peace...

...soon.

I worship the ground...

...he'll be buried under.

She's just not herself today...

...it's a noticeable improvement.

She might have the ingenuity of Thomas Edison...

...but she has the attention span of a goldfish.

Just out of curiosity...

...are your parents brother and sister?

Yo Mama So Fat...

...when she passed in front of the tv, I missed the whole season of Law & Order.

He's about as bright as...

...Anchorage in December.

Do you ever wonder what life would've been like...

...if you'd been given enough oxygen at birth?

No, go on...

...I always yawn when I'm interested.

Just out of curiosity...

...do you have to limbo under your family tree?

Let's just say, if he went to a mind reader...

...there wouldn't be a whole lot to work with.

If I wake up screaming right now...

...will you disappear?

I've heard that if you slit your wrists, it lowers your blood pressure...

...you might want to try it.

The closest she'll ever get to a brainstorm...

...is a cloudy day.

Until there is a vaccine for stupidity...

...I will continue to pray for you.

He's the kind of guy that when you first meet him, you don't like him. But when you get to know him better...

...you become more confident in the validity of first impressions.

He's like an 'idiot savant'...

...except without the 'savant' part.

Her head's stuck so far up his a$$...

...she can chew his food.

You know what I like about you?

... You never let a silly thing like intellect interrupt the flow of conversation.

Next office party...

...I'll bring the embalming fluid.

He's so boring...

...I fell asleep halfway through his name.

You're about as inconspicuous...

...as a boa constrictor on my last piece of cake.